List of Little Britain characters

The following characters appear in the BBC TV and radio show Little Britain. Most characters are played by David Walliams or Matt Lucas.

A

Peter Andre

Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, episodes 4 and 5
Peter Andre is a royal correspondent who gets the sack after first making bizarre and inaccurate claims about the Royal Family (such as Prince Charles having magical powers, describing The Queen as "The Main One"), and declaring his love for Princess Anne through song. The character's name is a reference to the singer.

Anne

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrase: "Eh-eh-ehhh!"
Anne is a mentally-challenged inmate in an institute, where she's being trained for integration into society. Her main verbal form of communication is "Eh-eh-eh." The tone varies with the situation (like "Eh-eh-ehh?!"). Unfortunately for the institute's director, Dr. Lawrence, she often displays poor progress when being presented to visitors of the institute, such as licking them, touching their face or performing inappropriate gestures. She's often seen on the phone, where she acts and speaks "normal" but as soon as she hangs up, seems mentally challenged again.

B

Carol Beer

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Starting in Series 2
Catchphrase: "Computer says no... (coughs)"
Carol Beer worked at a bank in Series Two and had a very close relationship with her computer. When asked by customers if they can take a loan, she will type into her computer and usually answer "computer says no" in an unemotional tone, or for a change (upon being invited to a dinner with colleagues), "Computer says 'Will Melanie be there?'". She is unwilling to use any human initiative to help customers and will cough in their faces to make them go away. She has a crush on one of her co-workers who enters her office in one sketch. By Series 3, she has changed jobs and now works as a travel agent in the fictional town of SpongeBob SquarePants, still working very closely with her computer and answering to very reasonable requests with her catchphrase. Carol often offers strange replacements, such as "I got a flight to Guildford" (when the client asked for a flight to Orlando) or "I can get a seat, one of you will have to swim alongside" (when asked for a boat ride for two people). In the final episode of Series 3, she is dismayed to find that "computer says yes" to a more difficult request, a very inexpensive round-the-world first-class cruise, before her customer coughs in her face instead.
Carol has shown no emotion throughout the series, except during her appearance on Little Britain Abroad, where she cried uncontrollably; however, we quickly find out that she was being insincere and that she was merely trying to manipulate her clients.

Maggie Blackamoor and Judy Pike

Appearances: Starting in Series 2
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Catchphrase: None; Instead, Maggie vomits excessively on people and objects surrounding her
Maggie and Judy are two ladies from the Women's Institute who work at different voluntary or charitable events. They keenly partake in refreshments provided by their hosts, but when informed that anyone involved in its preparation is either from a non-white ethnic background, has no home or is not entirely heterosexual, Maggie proceeds to vomit copiously, often on someone else, as Judy looks on, horrified. These displays of racism/sexism etc. however, are contradicted when Maggie and Judy holiday together and Maggie suggests that they kiss. This suggestion causes Judy to take on Maggie's role of vomiting. The National Federation of Women's Institutes objected to this depiction and the BBC agreed to replace the Women's Institute logo and change the dialogue in subsequent showings of the programme. Series 3 showed them in a variety of different locations instead of the usual village fairs or church events, such as Maggie visiting Judy at home and Maggie recovering in hospital after a kidney transplant.

C

Sir Bernard Chumley

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 3, 5 and 7
Sir Bernard Chumley is a faded actor who looks after his sister Kitty, who is disabled after an accident. Bernard is adamant that he isn't responsible for her disability, often telling guests of his innocence even though no-one asks. In the first sketch that he appears in, Bernard invites a young actor over to his flat, who has written to him. He then attempts to seduce him, implying that he is a homosexual. This is supported by the fact that he has many photographs of young male actors stuck to his wall. Throughout this sketch, he offers the young man various foods. He also says that he found the incident in which his sister lost the use of her legs amusing, and insists that he didn't cause the accident. In one sketch, he is visited by meals on wheels, who are bringing Kitty her dinner, and after being asked questions about how Kitty liked the food, he replies in the first person before adding: "Kitty said" or "she added". Then we see him eating the food that had been left for Kitty. The character of Chumley is probably the oldest Little Britain character, having appeared in a live-stage show in the early 90s, his own six-part television series in the late 90s, and a cameo in Shooting Stars.

Mr. Cleaves

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1
Mr. Cleaves is a traditional-looking yet bizarre teacher at Kelsey Grammar School (a reference to actor Kelsey Grammer). Mr. Cleaves sets the pupils strange tasks such as finding "the square root of Popeye" or setting a test on crisps. He also asked for complete silence during a test, but then he does various loud things himself, like playing the saxophone, hoovering the classroom and setting off fireworks. He also has trouble with reading.

Clive

See Liz and Clive, below.

Kenny Craig

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrase: "Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, don't look around the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes (snaps fingers) you're under." (After dialogue relating to situation), "3, 2, 1... (snaps fingers) you're back in the room"
Kenny Craig is a stage hypnotist who uses his powers for silly and trivial reasons, like beating his mother at Scrabble (in one instance, by playing the non-existent word "cupboardy"). In most of the early series, Kenny Craig sketches are based on him hypnotising one or more people into doing or accepting ridiculous things, until at the end of the sketch it is revealed that the other person was not hypnotised at all. However, his powers appear to improve as the show progresses; in later episodes, he manages feats such as putting on a hypnosis show - in which he does nothing but hypnotise the audience into believing they have witnessed an incredible hypnosis show.

D

Marjorie Dawes

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrase: "Oh man I love the cake!", "Dust? Anybody? No? Dust?", "Oh, man, you is fat!"
Marjorie Dawes is a woman who runs a weight loss club called 'Fat Fighters' (a group similar to real-life Weight Watchers), despite weighing 15 stone (210 lbs or 95 kg) herself. She is known for being incredibly rude to all the people in her life, be they in the group or not. Her sketches featured guest appearances from Vanessa Feltz and Derek Martin in Series Two and Three respectively. In the final sketch of Series Three, the Fat Fighters members left the group en masse after finally growing tired of Marjorie's constant vindictive comments. Marjorie appeared in Little Britain Abroad, where she went on an exchange to America and was arrested by a local sheriff because of her rudeness. During this time Marjorie's Fat Fighters class was taken by her US counterpart Blanche Tuckatuck, who appeared to be much nicer to the slimmers but was ultimately revealed to be a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Marjorie first appeared on TV with Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer as the mother of Shooting Stars resident drummer, George Dawes.

Bubbles DeVere

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 2
Catchphrase: "Call me Bubbles, dah-ling, everybody does.", "Champagne!, champagne for everyone!", "Why don't you take photograph, it'll last longer."
Bubbles is an overweight, middle-aged woman who lives at a health spa (Hill Grange, a nod at Grange Hill) despite constantly being harassed for her payment by Mr. Hutton (Walliams). The sketches are based on the shock factor, as Bubbles is the first character to go full-frontal (which is Lucas in a latex costume of an obese woman). She claims that her husband's Monte Carlo telephone number is 123 456 789. The accompanying Series 2 script book shows her bill, which runs to more than five hundred pages, and gives her real name as Mavis DeVere.

Desiree DeVere

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: "Baby" (as opposed to Bubbles' "Dahling")
Desiree is the black rival of Bubbles and the new lover of Bubbles' ex-husband, Roman. Desiree, like Bubbles, is an obese woman who frequently appears naked. Roman enjoys watching the two of them wrestling. He divorced Bubbles because she lost an amount of weight. She is believed to be former Miss Botswana.

Roman DeVere

Played by: Rob Brydon
Appearances: Since Series 3

See Desiree DeVere, above

Michael Dinner

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 2, Episodes 4 and 5
Michael Dinner (also known as The Posh Diner) is a man who is always seen in a restaurant. In each of his sketches he is approached by a waiter and orders posh dishes, before ordering something basic or mass-market (such as Um Bongo, Hubba Bubba or Monster Munch) as the waiter walks away. Michael also appeared on the Comic Relief episode and in the deleted scenes of the second series.

His name is revealed in the Little Britain top trump cards.

Don

See Pat and Don, below

E

Mrs. Emery

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: None; Instead, she urinates uncontrollably
Mrs. Emery is a kind old lady who is never one to back out of a nice long chat. However, while conversing she starts urinating and seems oblivious to the mess she leaves behind. Her sketches attracted controversy soon after the launch of the third series, when they were criticised by the UK incontinence charity, Incontact.

F

Linda Flint

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 2
Catchphrase: "Martin, it's Linda", "How can I describe him/her?", "That's right, (insulting epithet)"
Linda is a university counsellor who always has a student in her office asking for something, usually course-related. Linda calls a man named Martin (unseen and unheard to the audience) to grant the request and is asked to describe the student in question. While she often begins with complimentary descriptors, she uses descriptions such as "big fat lesbian", "ching-chong Chinaman" and "Oompa Loompa" after the kinder words fail, much to the shock of the students in question. In the last episode of Series 3, all of the students she had insulted in Series 2 and 3 came to tell her they wanted to place a formal complaint about her, but she called Martin to sort it out, she referred to them as "the whole cast of Fraggle Rock".

Sir Norman Fry

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: "As far as I'm concerned, that is the end of the matter. Thank you."
Sir Norman Fry is a Conservative MP who seems to be respectable, and has a wife (Camilla, played by Matt Lucas) and two children. However, he's always getting caught in compromising situations, which he then has to explain — unconvincingly — at a press conference each time.

G

Gary and Jason

Played by: Matt Lucas and David Walliams, respectively
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 1, 2, 7 and 8
Gary and Jason are two friends who always visit Gary's grandmother, on whom Jason has a crush. Jason always tries to play on to Gary's grandmother, by wiping her spillings and sucking her toes, the latter of which makes Gary and Jason fall out. A sketch is included in the deleted scenes on the Series 2 DVD, where Jason is having sex with Gary's grandmother. This sketch was originally planned for the TV series, but Matt and David have self-censored themselves by not showing it.

Edward and Samantha Grant

Played by: David Walliams and Helen Coker respectively
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 5 and 7
Edward Grant is a schoolteacher married to his ex-pupil Samantha. He claims that they share an ordinary marriage just like any other, but he often treats her like a school pupil, such as "the bell is a signal for me, not for you" upon the doorbell ringing and "you copied Nigella Lawson's work!" upon Samantha's revelation that she used a Nigella Lawson sorbet recipe.

H

Emily Howard

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 1
Catchphrase: "I'm a lady! That's what I am, a lady!" and sometimes ending long statements with “… and shit.”
Emily, real name Eddie Howard, is an awkwardly obvious transvestite in denial. Rather than trying to look like a modern woman, 'Emily' prefers the outdated frocks of Victorian times, which only enhances her 'maleness'. Most sketches involving Emily revolve around her either performing a stereotypically male behaviour (such as fixing a car or playing football) in spite of her appearance, or her exaggerated attempts to persuade others that she is a woman and to allow her to perform exclusively female behaviour (eg, entering a women's changing room). From the second series onwards Emily has her best friend, Florence with her, teaching Florence how to be a lady.

I

Ian and Ian, The Record Breakers

Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1 At the end of each show, they try to set a world record but end up not meeting the requirements. For example, they want to set the record for the world’s tallest man, but then realize that wearing an excessively tall top hat doesn’t count.

J

Jason

See Gary and Jason, above.

K

Des Kaye

Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Wicky Woo!", "Top of the morning, where's me breakfast?"
Appearances: Series 1, and Little Britain Live
Des Kaye is a rejected children's TV host who works in a DIY store. He is often seen annoying the other members of staff with his puppet (called Croc-O-Dile) and his frequent sayings of "wicky woo". The Series 1 DVD contains a deleted scene showing Des visiting a children's hospital and accidentally unplugging a patient's life support machine while trying to play some cheerful music on a tape recorder. He appears on the radio series and in the Little Britain live stage show. According to the Radio series, he was sacked from his "Fun Bus" show because of gross indecency (saying "Are you telling me you've never had a wank in the toilet?")

L

Dr. Lawrence

See Anne, above

Leonard

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 3, episodes 2 and 6
Leonard is a man who works in a retirement home. He goes to great lengths to ensure comfort for certain inhabitants, namely himself.

Liz and Clive

Played By: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 2, 4 and 8
Liz and Clive are a middle-aged couple who spend a lot of time eating in their local Chinese restaurant. Liz frequently claims that she was a bridesmaid for Mollie Sugden, which irritates Clive. In the final sketch involving these characters, Mollie Sugden comes to the restaurant and denies any knowledge of Liz, claiming that her friend Helen was the only bridesmaid at her wedding. Liz then throws a knife in her back.

Sebastian Love

Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Whateva’", “Whaaaat!?”, "Bitch!"
Appearances: Since Series 1
Aide to the Prime Minister, Sebastian holds a not-very-well-concealed homosexual crush on his boss. Wildly jealous of anyone who takes the attention of the PM, Sebastian does everything in his power to bring the attention back to himself. He often “accidentally” finds himself in sexually suggestive positions with his boss.

M

Ting Tong Macadangdang

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: "Pwease Mr. Dudwey!"
Dudley ordered a Thai bride from his magazine. However, Ting Tong Macadangdang is quite the opposite of the slim, beautiful bride Dudley was expecting. He is not very happy about this, but for sex, he lets her stay "for one more night". Ting Tong has many secrets: her real name is Tong Ting Macadangdang, as it was revealed she is a lady-boy, and she admitted that she comes from Tooting in London, not a remote village in Thailand as she had originally claimed. Ting Tong eventually invited her entire family to the UK, threw Dudley out of his own house and turned it into a Thai restaurant.

Ting Tong in fact means 'crazy' or 'nuts' in Thai.

Mr. Mann

File:Mrmann.jpg

Mr. Mann and his purchase, a painting of a displeased owl.

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 1
Mr. Mann is a customer who will ask for ridiculously specific items at the same shop (such as a painting of a disappointed horse). The shop, is always run by the same man, called Roy. Roy's wife Margaret is always in the back room and never seen. Mr. Mann appeared in only one episode in the first series, but was a regular character in the second and third series. These sketches are some of the more traditional in the series, relying upon wordplay and surrealism. Early versions of the sketch feature Roy being unable to provide Mann with his request due to it being too specific. In later sketches, Roy became accustomed to his requests and was sometimes able to provide them. Mr. Mann himself does not have any catchphrase (while Roy and Margaret do) and often delivers comedic content by making surreal suggestions to resolve a problem.

Margaret

Voiced by: Stirling Gallacher
Appearances: Margaret is always off-screen, but she has been included since Series 1
Catchphrase: See Roy below
Margaret and her husband, Roy, own a shop frequented by Mr. Mann. She is unseen throughout all the series and helps Roy when he calls to her from the sales floor. One episode reveals that she is unseen because she has no arms or legs.

Dame Sally Markham

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1
Catchphrase: "How many pages?" *dramatic pause* ".... The end!"
Dame Sally is a romantic novelist (based on Dame Barbara Cartland) who likes nothing better than lounging on her couch eating sweets, while her aide, Miss Grace, types up her dictation. Unfortunately, Dame Sally's novels often fall far short of the required length, so she decides to end them with "blah blah blah", the entire Bible, or with whatever is on the radio at the time. She is a spoof on Barbara Cartland in that she wears bright pink clothes. Also, David Walliams and Matt Lucas admitted they based the sketches on a TV clip in which Barbara Cartland was dictating to her secretary and asking, "How many pages?"

Ray McCooney

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1 and Little Britain Live
Catchphrase: "Yeeeeees!", "Ye know too much!"
Scottish owner of a hotel who answers questions from customers in a diffident manner using riddles, "spells", and a (intentionally badly dubbed) flute.

In the pilot episode, this character’s name was "Roy."

Denver Mills

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 3, 5 and 6
Denver Mills is a former Olympic silver medalist in the 400 meters and now acts as a guest speaker. His speeches are always politically incorrect and often offensive, such as his speech at a police dinner "...maybe being an Olympic athlete isn't so different from being a police officer. First of all, we both get a lot of practice running after black guys".

The Minstrels

Played By: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1, Episodes 1 and 3
The Minstrels are two minstrels who are constant targets of quasi-racial discrimination. They are refused a room at a Bed and Breakfast and are insulted by a radio broadcast. One of the cut sketches shows the Minstrel played by David Walliams being denied a job to which he replies, "Is it because I'm a minstrel?"

Myfanwy

Played by: Ruth Jones
Appearances: Since Series 1, in Daffyd Thomas sketch
Barmaid in a local pub and friend to Daffyd Thomas. In later episodes, we learn that she is in a lesbian relationship and about to get married. In Little Britain Abroad, Myfanwy opens a gay bar on Mykonos Island but it does not fare well because Daffyd does not hand out flyers to the locals.

N

Narrator

Played by: Tom Baker
Appearances: Unseen. Narrates every episode
Catchphrase: Opens every episode with "Britain, Britain, Britain!" and closes every episode with a mispronounced "goodbye"
The narrator opens and closes every episode and provides a voice-over between sketches to introduce the upcoming characters. The narrator delivers comedic content in many voice-overs by making nonsense claims about Britain, its people or its history (such as "we invented the cat") or by breaking the fourth wall, such as saying Anthony Head is not the real Prime Minister, he's "that guy out of Buffy".

P

Pat and Don

Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Appearances: Series 3, episodes 2 and 3
Pat and Don are a couple who eat at a local Indian restaurant, but whenever Don finds the food a little too hot for his tastes, it causes him to spout catchphrases from a variety of 1970s TV shows.

Sandra and Ralph Patterson

Played by: David Walliams and Adam Donkin
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 4, 6 and 7
Sandra Patterson is a stage mother who is determined for her son Ralph (which she pronounces as "Raif", a reference to Ralph Fiennes) to get into acting. She seems to be nice, but behind-the-scenes she is evil to him as he fails to get the part he auditions for every single time. They appeared in the radio series under the names of Sandra and Olivier Laurence, a play on the name of the actor Laurence Olivier. She goes to such lengths to get him parts, that she pretends it's his birthday, that he's dying, and even threatening to "tell 'em you touched him!"

Sid Pegg

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 3, episodes 4 and 5
Catchphrases: “Wife [name of food], go!”, "Britain fights back (fist in air)"
Sid Pegg is a nosey and mean-spirited Neighbourhood Watch leader who takes his job a little too seriously. As there is no real crime in his area, his meetings can be about anything from the Gypsy Kings to the fact that a gang of yobs have kicked an empty can of lilt down the road. He will frequently call out commands to his wife preparing dinner, in the format of "Wife, [name of food], go!". When asking for assistance from other members of the watch, he always chooses Lloyd, a short man who appeared on The Weakest Link (a fact Sid continually mentions).

Piano Player

Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, episodes 1, 3, 6 and 8
The Piano Player is an unnamed man who plays at the Uncle Albert Hall. He pauses in his recitals to say or do mindless things, such as checking where his shopping bag is, to read a text message and to tell someone that he forgot to set the video and ask when Sainsbury's closes, before resuming the recital as if nothing had happened.

Judy Pike

See Maggie Blackamoor, above

Harvey Pincher

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 2
Catchphrase: "I want bitty!" or simply "Bitty!"
Harvey Pincher is an upper-class mummy's boy who insists on "bitty", breast milk from his mother (played by Geraldine James) even though he is an adult, much to the dismay of his prospective wife and her parents. The sketches follow his engagement to Jane, through to their wedding day.

Andy Pipkin

See Lou Tood and Andy Pipkin, below.

Vicky Pollard

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrases: "Yeah, but, no, but... (and sometimes repeats this a few times)", "... or summing or nuffing", "SHUT up!", "Don't be giving me evils!", "Oh my God! I sooo can't believe you said that!"
An exaggerated caricature of a teenage chav who, when challenged about something, comes up with gossip that has nothing whatsoever to do with whatever predicament she is in at the time. Vicky Pollard went to school in the first and second series. In the first series, she was accused of shoplifting, became pregnant (and swapped the baby for a Westlife CD) and was sentenced to borstal where she bit someone called Jackie (a counterpart of Vicky played by Walliams). In the second series, she stole from a supermarket and smoked on a bus. In the last series, she was hired to babysit and had a wild party in the house while the parents were away. In Little Britain Abroad she was shut in a Thai prison for smuggling drugs and her mother, Shelly Pollard (played by Dawn French), made an appearance in court saying that Vicky got into a bad crowd at the age of three. In Comic Relief does Little Britain Live, supermodel Kate Moss Played Vicky's twin sister 'Katie Pollard', declaring that Vicky was the 'pretty one' and Katie was the 'easy one'.

Dudley Punt

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Starting in Series 3

See Ting Tong Macadangdang, above

R

Jeremy Rent

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Since Series 1
Jeremy is Dennis Waterman’s theatrical agent.

Florence Rose

Played by: Matt Lucas
Florence Rose is a wannabe transvestite and companion of Emily. She is even more unconvincing than Emily considering that she has a moustache. She is at one point referred to as "a short fat bloke with a moustache", while attempting to purchase a dress. We found out in the last episode of Series 3 that she is married and her real name is Fred.

Roy

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Since Series 1, in every sketch with Mr. Mann
Catchphrase: Roy’s catchphrase is a conversation with his wife:

Roy: (Following Mr. Mann’s request) “Oh, I’m not sure, Margaret will know. (turns to the back of the store) Margaret! Margaret!”

Margaret: (after a long pause) “Yes?”

Roy: “There’s a gentleman here looking for (then repeats Mr. Mann’s request, often verbatim.)”

These lines are often followed with Margaret suggesting a product, which Mr. Mann may refuse for some reason.

Roy owns a store (that sells different items each episode) where Mr. Mann always shops. His wife Margaret helps run the store. He hates Mr. Mann because of his specific requests.

S

Michael Stevens

Played by: Anthony Head
Appearances: Since Series 1, in every skit with Sebastian Love
Prime Minister of England, and the object of Sebastian’s affection.

David Walliams states that Anthony Head got the role because "next to Steve Martin, he's the only man I'll ever turn gay for"

T

Daffyd Thomas

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrases: "I’m the only gay in the village”, "Homophobe!"
Daffyd (Template:PronEng) Thomas is a gay man who dresses in a vast variety of tight, scanty PVC items and proudly proclaims that he is the only gay in the village. In fact, there is a huge gay community in his village and the surrounding area, but he utterly refuses to associate with them. As such, it is not clear if Daffyd himself is actually gay at all, or merely pretending to be in order to stand out as unique and get attention. He spends most of his time in the village pub talking to (and ordering Bacardi & Coke from) the barmaid, Myfanwy. Myfanwy (who is herself implied to be a lesbian) is keen to help him with his apparent loneliness, and encourages him to meet other gay men or groups, all of whom he rejects. Despite often accusing others of homophobia, he often makes anti-lesbian comments, and when faced with other homosexual men he usually either claims they are not genuinely gay (no matter how blatantly they indicate that they are), or outright insults them. He has never actually had a homosexual experience. He has a mother and father who are not bothered by his homosexuality, and a genuinely gay brother.

Lou Todd and Andy Pipkin

Main article: Lou and Andy

Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas, respectively
Appearances: Since Series 1
Catchphrase:

Lou: “Oh, what a kerfuffle”, as well as paraphrasing off-screen insightful comments from Andy

Andy: "I want that one!", "I don't like it!", “Yeah, I know”, as well as running off of his wheelchair when Lou is not watching

Andy is in a wheelchair, and Lou, his care-giver, looks after him with great devotion. However, Andy is not really disabled at all; he is only pretending to be to exploit Lou. Lou and Andy sketches follow two common patterns: Andy has Lou go through some great hassle for him (such as carrying his wheelchair up flights of steps), and then Lou is required to leave for a few moments, during which time Andy gets out of his chair and does something that a disabled person would be unable to do. The second pattern is that Andy makes an arbitrary decision about something, in spite of Lou's best advice that it's a bad choice, then after Lou has committed to the decision Andy changes his mind. In Series Three Lou went to his mother's funeral in the Isle of Wight, so a strict careworker called Mrs. Mead played by Imelda Staunton came to look after him. His tricks no longer worked on her, so (at the end of the series) Andy murders her in order to get Lou back. In the end of the series it is shown that Andy does care for Lou as a friend.

Viv Tudor

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 2, episodes 3 and 5
Catchphrase: "Oh, he was gaaawwgeous!"
Viv is a jewellery shop owner who has been robbed, however she has a huge crush on the robbers and describes them by saying, "Oh, he was gaaawgeous! Phowarr!" Viv was heard much more frequently on the radio series, most notably visiting a zoo and saying that all the animals were similarly attractive. "Look at that thorax! Oh baby, what an abdomen!" In her last appearance, she said no to the men she didn't like the look of for the only time. She, however, does not find Jesus Christ gorgeous.

W

Matthew Waterhouse

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 4, 5, 6 and 7
Catchphrase: "Got another one!" and (slaps his hand on the desk) "How’s that for starters?"
Matthew Waterhouse is an inventor who comes up with very silly and crazy ideas for musicals, board games, impersonators and cereals, with a sketch on each subject. An example of one of his ideas is "Sugar Poofs: Real gay men frosted with sugar." or "John McCarthy-a-gram: I come in, handcuff myself to the radiator and talk about my time as a hostage in the Lebanon!" The character's name is a reference to the actor Matthew Waterhouse who played the character of Adric in the television science-fiction series Doctor Who in the early 1980s.

Dennis Waterman

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1 and 2
Catchphrase: "So they want me to star in it, write the feem toon (i.e. “theme tune”), sing the feem toon..."
Dennis Waterman is a minute actor who, unfortunately, never gets a part because he insists he should "write the feem toon, sing the feem toon" in every part he gets, much to the dismay of his theatrical agent, Jeremy. He is very short, as seen when Jeremy hands him something (which fits in his palm) which is bigger than Dennis.

He bears little resemblance to the real Dennis Waterman, except that his 'feem toons' are based on the Minder theme tune that Waterman did write and sing himself (among others). The real Dennis Waterman has been quoted as saying "I did watch it, but I never saw that bit. I just saw a lot of some bloke dressed up as a woman".