Glenwood Quagmire is a character on the animated series, Family Guy. Notable for his prodigious libido, he is voiced by the show's creator and lead writer, Seth MacFarlane.
Glenn is the next door neighbor and one of Peter Griffin's best friends (though Quagmire has a near-obsession with Peter's wife, Lois). When he is not hanging out with the guys, Quagmire is often seen trying to "get with chicks", whether it be a cheesy date with an unlucky woman or some form of a blowup doll.
He has several catch phrases, including "OH!", "Alll riiiight", and the nonsensical phrase "Giggidy giggidy giggidy" (which has expanded to "Giggidy giggidy goo" and later expanded to "Giggidy Goo gaa" or even "Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggig Goo"). Many times, these phrases are accompanied by suggestive pelvic-thrusting motions, rocking of the head, or both.
Quagmire's house, while ordinary-looking from the exterior, is stocked with gadgets stereotypically associated with swingers from the 60s and 70s, such as a mirrored bedroom ceiling, "disco-like" decorations that fold out from panels in the walls at the press of a button, and dozens of revolving beds (possibly inspired by Dudley Moore's pad in Foul Play).
Appearance
Glenn has short black hair, parted in the middle; he is of average height (5' 10") and somewhat slight build (150 lbs). His most noticeable physical characteristics are his enormous jaw and chin, and his long nose. These strange features have led some viewers to draw puzzled comparisons ranging from Frodo to Arnold Schwarzenegger. His physical appearance seems to look more like a young Bob Hope. Another identifying feature is the tattoo on his left buttock reading "Your face here! Call 555-0134" (the phone number, of course, is Quagmire's).
Ethics and sexual deviancy
If Glenn Quagmire's personality could be summed up in one word, most people would say "pervert". His sexual exploits, tendencies and fetishes are often hinted at or stated outright as being above and beyond what most people would consider normal, and cover a wide enough range to justify the description of him as an "omniphiliac".
Peter Griffin has referred to Quagmire as a "heartless sex hound" in his presence while in mixed company, yet Quagmire seems to casually acknowledge the fact with no rancor.
He seems to have little interest in long-term relationships with women. When one of his partners casually asked what he did for a living after waking up in bed beside him, Quagmire cheerfully responded with "I've got a question for you too: why are you still here?" (Creator Seth MacFarlane says on a director's commentary that he believes this to be Quagmire's "defining moment".) However, in I Take Thee Quagmire, he actually falls in love and marries Joan, Peter's temporary maid. This marriage is short lived after she dies from a visit from Death.
It has been suggested that he is not above rape ("I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through!") or drug usage (he has ordered "roofie Coladas" for would-be companions on more than one occasion). The following exchange also seems to indicate that statutory rape is not beyond him:
- Quagmire: Hey there, sweetie! How old are you?
- Connie: 16.
- Quagmire: 18 huh? You're first!
- Connie: MOM!
- Quagmire: I like where this is going! Giggidy, giggidy, gi-ga-dy!
He may be a registered sexual offender as well; when the Griffins had to leave town for a family emergency, they asked Quagmire to watch the kids. He replied, "Well, in accordance with Megan's Law, I'm required to inform you... eh, you know what, that's fine, I'll take the kids."
Glenn appears to get his penis caught in unusual places very often ("Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah... it's in a window this time."). He is also apparently a ephebophile; after finding a junior high school cheerleader bound and gagged in a restroom stall, he comments, "Dear diary: Jackpot!" and in the episode Petarded, he lurks behind the sofa at Meg's sleepover party while wearing only a Speedo.
In addition, Glenn has at least three STDs, once referring to women who contracted the clap from him, admits giving VD to another woman, and mentioning having contracted Hepatitis to Peter, Cleveland, and Joe.
He has dabbled with, if not regularly engaged in, intimate depilation. During one flashback, Quagmire proudly displayed his pubic hair to several people, asking if it looked like the letter Q (apparently with his penis as the letter's "tail").
When he met a woman smoking a cigarette through a tracheostomy, Quagmire asked her, "Hey, do you ever get freaky with that thing?"
After returning from a trip to the Philippines, Brian Griffin deduces, by sniffing his crotch, that one of the women he had had sex with was, in fact, a transsexual.
When Quagmire was a contestant on The Bachelorette in "Brian the Bachelor", he drugged the bachelorette and attempted to drag her into another room before noticing the cameras recording his actions. As a final blow against him, Quagmire proposed a three-way between himself, the female contestant and his own mother. This adds potential incest, if not in actual fact, to the long list of his deviancies. However, an incestous relationship with his mother would answer a great deal of questions.
Also, during a drinking game, Quagmire once revealed that he had performed a sexual act with a male spider monkey, which would add zoophilia to the aforementioned list of deviancies.
In several episodes, Quagmire reveals a fetish for women's feet. He sniffs a women's shoe at a bowling alley with Chris and later steals the bachelorette's shoe after drugging her.
Quagmire apparently considers his friends' wives to be fair game. Quagmire had an extramarital affair with Loretta Brown, which she initiated, causing her and Cleveland to divorce. He was also caught spying on Lois while she was using a public restroom; another time, he made a pass at her when she paid him a visit and he assumed their marriage was in trouble. Nonetheless, neither Peter nor Cleveland seem to harbor any long-term ill will towards him. (The extremely jealous Peter, however, is unaware that Quagmire is constructing a life-sized replica of Lois, complete with hair from her hairbrush.)
Quagmire is portrayed as generally upbeat and in high spirits. Despite many crushing defeats, he never gives up.
Profession
Although it is seldom depicted or even referenced, Quagmire seems to work as a commercial airline pilot. In flashbacks, we learn that before being a pilot, Quagmire served in the U.S. Navy. Seeing how Quagmire served aboard an aircraft carrier, it is implied that he flew aircraft while in the Navy. He introduced himself to Peter Griffin as "Ensign Glenn Quagmire', but was wearing an enlisted uniform at the time. In "Jungle Love" he replaced Peter as Sandy Duncan's glass eye, though she was dissatisfied with his performance.
Quagmire was the host of "Midnight Q", a "Playboy After Dark"-type late-night jazz, literature and sex program on the PTV network, a television station briefly set up and run by Peter.
Since he charges "fat chicks" money for sex, he is technically also a part-time male prostitute.
Miscellaneous
- The word "quagmire" refers to both a soft soil that yields easily, or quicksand, and a difficult predicament. The title of a Family Guy episode from season four, dealing with infidelity, plays up the second meaning ("The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire").
- Quagmire may have some trouble distinguishing males from females: he used to list Taylor Hanson as his idea of the perfect woman and may have had sex with a Filipino man who he thought was a woman. Judging by his reactions to these events, it seems one of his few sexual turnoffs is homosexual sex; however in The Perfect Castaway he was willing to attempt a homosexual orgy with Peter, Cleveland, and Joe after several months castaway on a desert island, though none of the men is able to achieve an erection.
- Quagmires initials are possibly a reference to GQ Magazine.
- He has built up an immunity to the Mace brand of tear gas.
- After learning of Quagmire's affair with Loretta, Cleveland attacked him with a baseball bat. While Cleveland missed his target with every swing, he struck Quagmire's walls, sofa, bar, and other objects. Each of these opened to reveal a bed, including his refrigerator and oven.
- One episode featured a short sitcom-like vignette starring Quagmire, including a theme song with the following lyrics: [1]
- Announcer: Who else but Quagmire?
- Chorus: He's Quagmire, Quagmire
- You never really know what he's gonna do next
- He's Quagmire, Quagmire
- (Quagmire sings) Giggity giggity giggity giggity, let's have sex!
- (Ending song)
- Chorus: He's Quagmire, he's Quagmire
- (Quagmire sings) Giggity giggity goo!
- In "Peter's Got Woods", Quagmire went to a PTA meeting. When asked by Brian why he was there, he said that since he has had sex with so many women, he could have several different children. One of them is over twenty and lives in Spain. The son speaks with a combined version of Quagmire's accent and a Hispanic accent and has a moustache. He is seen getting into an argument with his mother and seems to have picked up his father's speaking habits, as he says "Giggidy" several times throughout the argument as part of the sentence (unlike his father, who uses it more as a catchphrase). He even finishes the argument with "Giggitygiggitygiggity".