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B3ta logo
B3ta logo


B3ta is a humorous British website, described as a "puerile digital arts community" by The Guardian.

B3ta's main feature is a newsletter featuring the latest work of the B3ta community and other interesting things found on the Web. Also popular is a message board where members post digital images and short animations they have created, the best of which appear on the front page of the B3ta site. B3ta also includes a small weblog for announcing the newsletter and other administrivia and for important notices or links which can't wait for the newsletter. For a while, B3ta even had its own radio show.

To inspire creative works, B3ta poses a weekly image challenge, such as "if cats ruled the world" and a "question of the week", for example asking "what's your most embarrassing injury?".

Many popular Internet phenomena were created by B3ta members, such as the Macromedia Flash cartoons created by Joel Veitch and Jonti Picking or the quizzes from Rob Manuel; the site disseminating their members work via a hugely popular newsletter with over 100,000 email subscribers.

Newsletter

The weekly newsletter is published on Friday afternoon, and features the best work by members of the B3ta community. Famous examples include Rob Manuel's Female or Shemale, Jonti Picking's Badger Badger Badger, and Joel Veitch's Punk Rock Kittens. Generally, the newsletter consists of the following sections:

  • "What B3ta people have been making this week" – websites, animations and photos created by people who either post on the messageboard, or email their work to the site directly.
  • "Sites in brief: Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates" – although in theory similar to the first section, it increasingly features oddities from around the Internet in general. This usually includes items not intended to be humorous but that are from their context, such as a watch with inbuilt Geiger counter.
  • "Things that make you go aaah" – usually linking to photographs of baby animals. The newsletter itself describes it as its "great voyage to catalogue the cutest things in the world".
  • "B3ta image challenge" – the results from the previous week's image challenge, and up until recently, the announcement of the next week's challenge. The image challenge is currently announced on Wednesdays.
  • "Question of the week" entries which caught the editors' eyes.
  • "What happened next?" – follow-ups on stories previously featured.
  • "Star in next week's issue" – a plea for content for further newsletters. This is very tongue-in-cheek, but occasionally one of the less ridiculous suggestions will get made (such as a game about hayfever).
  • "Top tip" – a domestic tip provided by one of the board members. The top tips are similar to "old wives' tales", in that they seem ridiculous, but may have some scientific explanation.
  • Some older newsletters also contained a "B3ta radio" section – a summary of the content of the up-coming radio show, and listening details.
  • Issue 149 featured a one-off section: "Stuff we've learned from Wikipedia", following the words of praise on the main site's weblog: "Read Wikipedia – we're addicted."
  • Other occasional features include "Human Zoo" cataloging the weirdest looking people on the net, "Book of the month" featuring interviews with writers such as Nicey from Nicecupofteaandasitdown, and "Signs of the Apocalypse" remarking on new and apparently pointless products such as pre-mixed Salt and Pepper.

Message board

For creatives, the main attraction of B3ta is the message board, where photoshopped images are posted by the members. The B3ta message board has a strong code of "netiquette" – a new thread should generally not be started unless it contains an image or link. Although this may seem severe, the board only shows 15 threads per page. A new thread will push the oldest one into the archives, decreasing the public exposure to the image in the post. Note, however, that a link should only generally be posted to either an image, or an exceptional web site. Spamming (promoting one's own web site) or posting something which is deemed to be cliché is not tolerated. These cliché links are often referred to being "glasscock", named after the famous image of a female golfer kissing a glass trophy, which appeared to be a phallic shape due to the camera angle. This image was so ubiquitous at the time that it is thought that virtually the entire of the B3ta community had seen it, hence the name.

The B3ta FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) contains a detailed account of the various rules for the site, and new posters are often referred to this document for guidance. ("Hello, new person. Please read the FAQ. Cheers." is a common message on the board, as it is triggered by the macro ~faq~.)

Praise given by board members

  • "Woo" and "Yay" are used extensively on B3ta to show approval of an image. Although interjections, they are occasionally used as adjectives – for example, one might see, "That picture is most woo, sir". Other variants exist, such as "Houpla", "W/Y/H" (Woo/Yay/Houpla), and "Panowie" for the most exceptional images, with the highest possible form of praise being a combination of all four: Woo Yay Houpla Panowie.
  • In addition to verbal praise, many "woo yay pictures" are used, often shortened to "wooyay". This consists of an image, usually animated, photoshopped to include the words "woo" and "yay" in it. "Hi Cockalorum" is a phrase used to praise a wooyay picture.
  • The ability to create an excellent picture is known as hummus: the "x-factor" which makes an picture or animation worthy of great praise. This consequently leads to responses such as, "the hummus is strong in this one", or that the person who has made said picture is "full of hummus". People who are lacking said ability may self-declare that they "can't fucking hummus", or are "lacking hummus".
  • It should also be warned that regular board users look down on those who post "leet-speak", and in extreme cases can become very unfriendly and often sarcastic. The terms "pfffft!" and "Arf!" are seen as far more board-worthy signs of praise than "roflmao" or "omg lol!!!!111!!11!!oneone!!!eleven!!".

Front-paging (FP)

This is an honour granted to the best images of the day, where they are displayed on the front page of the site. Although in reality it is the message board moderators who promote an image to this status, the image creator in the past often incorrectly thanked the "magic donkey", a mythical creature said to nod when it approves of an image. However, the legend (and B3ta's FAQ) goes that the magic donkey only bothers himself with newsletter links and would not descend from his stable of light for anything so unimportant as an edited picture.

The gay shift

The gay shift is the B3tan name for any period of time shortly after 12.00am GMT. This is usually used as an excuse to post (good-natured) anti-homosexual jokes, mildly homoerotic pictures and doctored images of lesbians. The name arose as a rhyming companion to the time period before midnight, the "day shift", and the unusually high proportion of gay men that appeared to be present around that time. Occasionally an effort is made to call it by the more politically correct name "super happy fun time".

Bandwagons and bandwagoning

Bandwagoning is the act of posting images related to a certain theme, or of a similar nature to a group of previously posted images. Bandwagon posts are generally unwelcome, unless they are particularly clever or inventive. Some bandwagons are started based on various cultural references such as advertisements, news items, etc; which may explain why they cease to be amusing very quickly. The B3ta FAQ explicitly prohibits, or at the very least strongly discourages the use the bandwagons, yet they are still common. There have also been increasing occasions of "one-man bandwagons" – Board member GoldenFanjita's use of Barbara Werner being a prime example. The difference between a bandwagon and a meme seems to be based on the joke's longevity; a meme is a bandwagon that never gets old (or at least takes much longer to become so).

Talk board

The talk board is identical to the main message board except for the fact that it is not possible to post images. It was created in response to the ever-increasing speed with which the main board moves, and the site owners wanting a place where people could banter without worrying about creating images. Topics of discussion vary wildly, although it is usually silly in nature. Serious flaming is less common than on the main board, although regulars frequently hurl non-serious abuse at each other. Visitors should be warned that this is frequently sexually descriptive and graphic.

Unfortunately posters of threads on the main board without images are often accused of "threadwasting" and told to go to the talk board, as if this were a law, an attitude which is described in the FAQ as intolerant. The moderators in reality permit threads without images.

Like the many message boards, the b3ta talk board has developed an almost clique-like atmosphere, with many users having met one another at so called "B3ta bashes". Oxford in particular has become known amongst members as a bash hotspot, and has developed from a few B3tans getting together for a drink to a genuine spectacle.

Image Challenge

This is a weekly competition, where images are posted along a certain theme – examples include New Software Products, or The World If It Was Run By Kittens. The entries are posted as normal threads on the message board, but are marked with a "C" icon to differentiate from normal posts. All the entries also accumulate in a central repository that can be browsed anytime. The three winners are chosen by a board member, and are posted along with the theme of the new challenge in the Friday newsletter. Almost invariably, a "special mention" is also given – perhaps to a post not exactly fitting the theme of the competition, but posted due to a deliberate misunderstanding. See also Photoshop contest.

The challenge topics are usually chosen by board members, but occasionally the "Challenge Dictator" (a.k.a. a site moderator) will decide.

Question of the Week

Recognizing that not everyone wants to muck around with Photoshop, the site asks a question each week hoping to provoke amusing anecdotes. It was originally used as material for the radio show and the newsletter, but realising the popularity of the content, the site owners decided to continue the questions after the close of the show.

B3ta Radio

Until July 2004, B3ta had its own radio show, which was broadcast from Resonance FM (104.4 FM in London, also available via streaming broadcast from the Resonance FM website) between 4PM and 5PM. The show was presented by Rob Manuel, a co-owner of the site, and his accomplice, David Stevenson. There were often special guests – sometimes contributors to the site, sometimes semi-famous people, such as the drummer from Blur, Miles Hunt of the Wonder Stuff & a chap who once played a Dalek in Doctor Who. Perhaps the most notable guest was Joel Veitch, who performed some of his most popular songs live. The show was so successful that it prompted B3ta to post a Bit Torrent of an MP3 to their weblog, the first time such an event had occurred. Rob announced the end of the radio show in July 2004, after falling out with the producer over whether stories about wanking were suitable material for broadcast.

Memes

Internet memes are the lifeblood of B3ta messageboard. Meme is a name given to a clichéd image that is frequently used in images as a cheap gag. Although many older board members may resent the lack of originality shown by using these clichés, some, such as The Quo or The Fear, crop up regularly. A brief-lived spate of postings featuring a new meme is known as a bandwagon, in the sense that everybody is jumping on it.

A brief list of B3ta memes:

  • The Glass Cock – A famous image of a female golfer kissing a trophy. As the name implies, the camera angle makes it look as though it is a vitreous phallus. The image was passed around via e-mail so much that the term "Glass Cock" came to be known as a synonym for a cliché. A link which many people have seen before is hence derided as "glasscock" or "GC". The Glass Cock Index (see link below) was set up to list all links posted recently to B3ta, to prevent any duplicate links in a short period of time. (The Glass Cock Index also sports said image as its logo.)
  • Shark, Bridge and Helicopter a.k.a. "Is it Real?" – Similarly to the Glass Cock, this image has been doing the e-mail rounds for quite a while, usually under the title "AND YOU THINK YOUR (sic) HAVING A BAD DAY AT WORK!!". It shows a shark jumping from the water, apparently to attack a man suspended on a ladder from a helicopter hovering about 15 feet above the water. San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge is visible in the background. The caption claims that the image was taken by the Royal Navy in South Africa – despite the fact that both the helicopter and the bridge are American. The shark has been superimposed on the image. Although the picture is so absurd, many believed it to be true until it was proved otherwise, and "Is it real?" is the standard (sarcastic) response to this image or a derivations. (See "External links" for a Snopes article about this image.)
  • The Quo – The band, Status Quo, are represented by an image of both members of the band laughing, and has proved to be one of the most long lived memes. This image is usually hidden in another, often one portraying a scene of havoc or a disaster (the implication being that "The Quo" have caused the disaster). These hidden images can range from the blindingly obvious to the extremely subtle, sometimes only involving their outline rather than the band members themselves. It is not known if either Rick Parfitt or Francis Rossi have seen these images or learned of their infamous reputation.
  • The Fear – A heavily photoshopped image of a peculiar creature with two heads (see the first instance of The Fear). It was originally made by Spacefish, but the name was given to it by Joel Veitch, who claimed that "That creature's purpose is to be waiting, staring at your face, as soon as you wake up, and then to sneak up and stare at you until you turn slightly and see it and leap with shock. All day, every day." The standard response given to an image containing The Fear is "Argh! The Fear! The Fear!", with "The Fear!" repeated ad nauseam.
  • Furtive Polar Bear – a kleptomaniacal polar bear named Furtive, usually accompanied by a penguin, who came to be known as Fluffy. Both featured in Joel Veitch's Tales of the Blode Episode 4: Food Feed Fury, where it was discovered that Furtive had a weakness to citrus fruit. This character has declined in popularity, however, and is now seen very rarely.
  • Making fun of newbies – Several newbies have posted to B3ta with messages so incoherent or moronic that they have become memes. Perhaps the most famous of these was "YOUR ALL GAY"(sic), which earned the poster a flash cartoon and song featuring meerkats and Oscar Wilde (see below for link). Lesser known trolls include beckiboo1234, whose only message was "wers da rude stuf?? lol". Despite getting flamed for the rest of the thread, "da rude stuf" was never heard of again. A seemingly bizarre troll asked the location of the "uplaod codez" – suffice to say the B3ta boarders neither knew, understood, nor cared, but the phrase "uplaod codez" was adopted into the collective vocabulary. Trolls are often suspected to be regulars in disguise; an example of this was Gimbo's "fluffiness investigation", in which he posed as a troll to test how good-natured the B3tans are. One example of a recent newbie / troll post comes from the board member pantsmonkey. Posted on Wednesday 21st September, the post contained a picture of a t-shirt depicting the new Nintendo revolution controller. Just above said picture were the phrases " So wow thats a neato what now right" "Response so far has been a little strange" and "Now my shirt a guy on another forum made it". These three near-uncomprehendable phrases sent the board into a frenzy, with the same three phrases being repeated again and again for several hours afterwards. With the craze showing no intention of fading away anytime soon, this is another fine example of how popular b3ta memes are created.

Text Memes

With the creation of the talk board, a number of "text memes" have arisen and evolved. They are found less frequently than their picture board counterparts, but they exist nonetheless. Among the most common are:

  • *bums* – this is used to indicate that a user is pretending to engage in anal sex with another, consensually or otherwise. It is usually used to indicate friendship or arousal (often inappropriately), but is also occasionally used sarcastically.
  • *fwaps* – this is used to indicate that the user is "masturbating" and, like "*bums*", is used to indicate arousal, often at inappropriate or disturbing things. The origin of the word "fwap" is believed to be onomatopoeic. One board member, vbloke, even created a brand of hair gel called *fwap* and gave it a slightly worrying consistency.
  • "I would" – This is a response usually given to a particularly aesthetically pleasing image. The phrase is suggesting "I would have sex with that". Also used as a sarcastic reply to aesthetically unpleasing images – in which case the phrase "Sunshine Elephant would" is also applied, under the general consensus that good-natured board member Sunshine Elephant would have sexual intercourse with anything and anyone.
  • "thats a neato what now right. Response so far has been a little strange." A general purpose, usually positive response, seemingly devoid of meaning.
  • "Seamless" - used to describe bad cut-and-paste jobs in photoshop, the more obvious the cut is, the more "seamless" it becomes. Many pictures have been made as purposeful attempts to be the most obvious paste jobs on the board.

Controversy

Throughout its history, B3ta and its contributors have been subject to a lot of controversy. The most notable events were the production of a Popstars flash animation which relied heavily on the use of phalli. When threatened with legal action the animation was pulled from the site. The site has also suffered from several media attacks and features in tabloid press on occasion. A photoshopped calendar purporting to be of naked MPs caused particular concern – see "External links" for a newspaper cutting.

Trivia

  • B3ta vs. web filters: As stated above, B3ta is perhaps the model of puerility. Although images which could be interpreted as being pornographic are not shown explicitly, and marked "NSFW" – "Not Safe For Work" – B3ta's content is considered by many to be distasteful. B3ta also held the somewhat dubious honour of being one – if not the only – website to be banned under six categories by web filtering company N2H2 (see [1]). Some of these categories, particularly "Nudity" and "Sex", were seen as undeserved by some. Sometime in 2004, in response to this, its status was downgraded to just "Tasteless/Gross" and "Jokes". Regardless, many companies and schools use N2H2 to filter out their employees' or students' web requests, and B3ta undeniably reduces office productivity. To prevent blocking a swear-word filter was introduced. It replaced offensive words with "cranberry", "watermelon", "happy baby orangutan". The board users quickly found ways of circumventing the filter by placing HTML tags in the middle of such words, causing the filter to fail to parse them; other ways of getting round the filter were to post images of offensive words, or replace letters with ISO 8859-1 codes. However the filter was partially successful with several images made to celebrate it. In addition to replacing words considered rude, "hug", "cuddle", and "snuggle" were also filtered as a response to (what was seen as) excessive "fluffiness" on the talk board. The "swear filter" was removed after Rob, co-founder of B3ta, watched a TV programme on Derek and Clive. The "hug" filter was subsequently also removed, and changed to a block on the word "freeipods", due to many of the board members posting their links to the www.freeipods.com website (in this case the word "freeipods" was replaced by "ratemykitten").
  • Pronouncing "B3ta": The FAQ says that B3ta should be pronounced to "rhyme with Peter". Although due to problems with saying the name out loud and expecting people to find the site, it's often pronounced "bee three tee aye". The name refers to the description of software being of being in beta before it is finalised.
  • Woo Yay: The phrase "woo yay" started when the site co-founder Rob Manuel shared a flat with Joel Veitch in Leeds in the early 1990s.
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