Hitler Has Only Got One Ball

Hitler has only got one ball is the generic identification for vulgar lyrics to the popular Colonel Bogey March.

It has been stated that Hitler's autopsy revealed that he was indeed monorchic, but the confirmation comes from Soviet sources who may have had propaganda reasons for the assertion.

In his autobiography Fringe Benefits, Anglo-Irish gadabout and publicist Donough O'Brien claims the original was written by his father, Toby O'Brien, also a publicity agent in August, 1939. [1]

He gives the original form with Goering as singular. It is interesting, in regard to the Russian autopsy and the popular version, that Hitler's are apparently a pair, only small:

Goering has only got one ball

Hitler’s are so very small

Himmler’s so very similar

And Goebbels has noebbels at all!

Variants

Variant #1

Hitler has only got one ball,

Goering has two but very small,

Himmler has something sim'lar,

But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

Variant #2

Hitler has only got one ball,

The other is in the Albert Hall

His mother, the dirty bugger,

Cut it off when he was small.

Variant #3

Hitler has only one left ball,

Goebbels has two but they're quite small

Himmler has something sim'lar,

And Mussolini hasn't any, at all!

Variant #4

Frankfurt has only one beer hall,

Stuttgart, die München all on call,

Munich, vee lift our tunich,

To show vee 'Cherman' have no balls at all.

Variant #5

Dubya, he only has one ball.

Powell has two but very small;

Andy's, like gumdrop candies,

Poor Ari fairy has no stones at all.

Variant #6

Hitler has only got one ball,

The other is in the old town hall,

His mother, she pinched the other,

Now Hitler ain't got none at all!

Variant #7

Hans Otto is very short, not tall,

And blotto, for drinking Singhai and Skol.

A 'Cherman', unlike Bruce Erwin,

Because Hans Otto has no balls at all.

Variant #8 In Thomas Pynchon's novel V., the following variant is sung by British artillerymen in Malta in 1940.

Hitler has only one left ball

Goering has two but they are small.

Himmler was somewhat similar

And poor old Goebbels has no balls at all

Not a variant, but a theory on the source of the problem

Whistle while you work

Hitler is a jerk

Mussolini bit his weenie

That's why it won't work

Quotation

From The Psychopathic God: Adolf Hitler (1978), Robert G.L, Waite:

Since the matter is of considerable importance to the psychological development of Hitler from infancy onward, let us pause here and come to grips with the problem of the Fuhrer's testicles. It can now be affirmed that the British Tommies were right all along in the first line of their version of the Colonel Bogey March they were although manifestly mistaken in the last:

Hitler only has one ball,

Goering has two but very small;

Himmler is very similar,

And Goebbels has no balls at all.

The autopsy performed by the Red Army pathologists on Hitler's body... [produced clear] findings:

The left testicle could not be found either in the scrotum or on the spermatic cord inside the inguinal canal, or in the small pelvis...

External Link

• Did Hitler have only one testicle? from The Straight Dope