Age disparity in sexual relationships

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(This page is actually listed on VFD under VFD:May-december romance and VFD:Older men-younger women.)

In many human cultures, age disparity in sexual relationships is common. Often, older males will choose female mates years younger than themselves. The converse is also often true (though to a lesser degree): younger females do pursue older males in return. Situations involving a younger male with an older female also exist, but are not nearly as common. Age disparities in homosexual relationships are also common.

Slang terms

A number of slang terms exist to describe pairings in which one individual is much older than the other:

• Gold digging
• May-December romance
• Robbing the cradle

History

Historically, unequal pairings are quite common; many men in positions of prestige or power have taken young women as lovers or wives. At the same time, women of influence have had no qualms in seeking the affections of young men.

Many arranged marraiges are age-disparate, with the husband being much older than the wife. For example, John Rolfe married Pocahontas in 1614; he was at least a decade older than her.

Age disparity in homosexual relationships is, perhaps, even more historically common than in heterosexual relationships. In Ancient Greece, pre-Modern Japan, Melanesia, and Renaissance Florence, pederasty was a socially acceptable practice. In Ancient Greece, these relationships were sanctioned by the law. Pederasty involves an adult man serving as an educator, mentor, and lover to an adolescent male.

The United States Census Bureau's March 2000 statistics show some 800,000 unmarried American couples are more than five years divergent in age, and 7 percent of women married more than once have a husband 6 or more years younger than themselves.

Age disparities are very common in Hollywood culture. For example, Michael Douglas is 25 years older than his second wife Catherine Zeta Jones. Michelle Branch is 19 years younger than her husband Teddy Landau.

Mail-order brides are frequently younger than their husbands.

Causes

There are many factors which draw both young and old into such a age-disparate relationships.

Psychological

Older partners may seek the youth which has escaped them. They may seek the sexual vigor of the young, which partners of their own age group may no longer possess. Younger partners, on the the other hand, may be seeking a parent figure.

Psychologists have attempted to find reasons for why individuals pursue age-disparate relationships. Chronophilia is a general term, applied to any age-related preference. Ephebophilia is the attraction of older individuals to adolescents, pedophilia is the attraction of older individuals to pre-adolescents, and teleiophilia is the attraction of younger individuals to older individuals.

Social pressures

Older partners may also seek the connection with the culture of youth, maintaining a connection with the fashion, the music, the media which their age group has ostensibly outgrown.

Younger partners may be searching for someone who is intellectually their peer, or they may also be looking for someone who is both sexually attractive and financially secure. Younger male partners may also be seeking an older female partner to whom fecundity is no longer an issue.

Younger partners may see their relationship with an older person as a way of increasing their status within their society. This phenomenon is colloquially called "gold digging".

Social criticism

Age-disparate relationships are frequently seen as aberrant or even perverse. Many societies frown heavily on the "gold digger" mentality.

Response to criticism

While it is true that such relationships have been labelled as "gold digging" (that is to say, the younger partner's primary interest in the older partner is his/her financial circumstance), it is also true that "love is blind". And as factors such as the divorce rate, changing patterns in dating, and basic incompatibilities affect personal relationships, the average age difference between prospective partners has also changed.

Whatever the case, the younger partner is appreciative of the life experience and wisdom the older partner brings, and the older partner appreciates the vigor, enthusiasm, and new political, social, and cultural perspectives their young partners have to offer.

See also

• age of consent
• ephebophilia
• list of sexology topics
• marraige
• marriageable age
• pederasty