Artie Lange

Arthur Steven Lange (born October 11, 1967) is an American television and movie actor, stand up comedian and radio personality. Lange is most notable for being one of the original cast of comedians on sketch comedy series MADtv and for taking over Jackie Martling's vacated seat on The Howard Stern Show, now on Sirius Satellite Radio channel 100.

Biography

Arthur Steven Lange was born on October 11, 1967 in Union, New Jersey where he grew up in a middle class family. His ethnic background is Italian, but a genetic test revealed that he might have considerable Native American ancestry. During high school he excelled in baseball, becoming an All County third baseman, and spent his free time working with his contractor father. Some time after Lange completed high school in 1986, his father fell off a roof becoming a quadriplegic and causing Lange to change his college plans to be near his family. He took up work as a longshoreman and other numerous odd jobs until 1995 when he landed a recurring role on FOX's hit sketch comedy MADtv. He has a mother, Judy Lange, and a sister, Stacie Lange. His steady girlfriend from the beginning of March 2002 until some time in late winter or early spring 2006 was a biology teacher in Paterson, New Jersey named Dana.

Career

MADtv

Tenure as an original cast member

File:Artie white mama.jpg

Artie Lange in MADtv's My White Momma.

Lange was one of the original nine cast members of MADtv when the series aired in 1995. Unlike some of his fellow original repertory performers on MADtv, Lange came to the show with limited sketch comedy experience and hardly any television background. However, he did have a well established background in stand-up comedy, which aided his ability to captivate audiences with his humor. Years after his departure, Artie made a guest star appearance and was cheered by everyone.

Departure from MADtv

The MADtv staff started to notice Lange's apparent tardiness to the set and deteriorating physical appearance. They questioned him about his suspected drug use and the possibility of entering rehab. When Lange adamantly refused, MADtv staff contacted the police. After the police arrived, Lange, in the midst of a cocaine binge, fled the scene on foot with the Los Angeles Police Department and MADtv staff in tow. During the chase, Lange ran into a Pavilion's supermarket and threw a cantaloupe at his manager, prompting a call to 9-1-1. The chase continued with Lange climbing over fences and running through backyards until he was eventually subdued by a police officer. Lange admitted during interviews on The Howard Stern Show that he did the dumbest thing a person can do; he "took a swing at a cop." After being apprehended by the police, Lange was charged with possession of cocaine, assaulting an officer, and possessing an open alcoholic container in his car, amongst other charges.

While he was being booked, Lange was seated next to a Mexican gangbanger (who had, according to Lange, a tattoo of Speedy Gonzalez covering his entire back) who recognized him from MADtv. Once Lange was identified as a "celebrity", the police placed him in his own cell instead of mixing him with the general population.

Artie was bailed out by his manager Peter Principato, who waited for four days in the lobby of Los Angeles County Jail to do so. Legendary jazz producer and songwriter Quincy Jones, an executive producer for MADtv, offered his consolation to Lange and arranged for him to continue on the show for a second season. Lange's sobriety did not last and he was fired after two seasons.

Film Projects

Following a short prison term and successful completion of a drug rehabilitation program, Lange was contacted by comedian Norm MacDonald and offered a part in his movie Dirty Work. Coincidentally, MacDonald himself had just been fired from Saturday Night Live. Lange also appeared in MacDonald's ABC sitcom The Norm Show (1999). Lange also appeared in Mystery Men (1999) and The Bachelor (1999).

The Howard Stern Show

Replacing Jackie

After MADtv, Lange continued to work in movies and performs stand-up at comedy houses around the United States. However, his big break came when he landed a full-time spot on The Howard Stern Show after Jackie Martling quit the show. Lange's personality added depth to the show and complemented Howard Stern's style very well.

While Howard often teases Lange for his eating habits, his role in the poorly-received movie Dirty Work and his unprofessionalism, he also makes a point to praise Lange's comedic talents. Stern is especially amazed by Artie's ability to memorize and deliver lines with perfect timing. Artie's almost flawless renditions of scenes from movies such as The Godfather have become a favorite of Stern's and the audience.

Stern and company have commented that Lange's life is a sort of perpetual adolescence; his mother delivers food parcels and cleans his apartment, he continually gorges himself on pizza and other high-fat foods, and his frequent drunken binges are legendary.

Public access to Lange's private life

Lange's personal life is often discussed on the Stern show and many revelations were revealed. For example, it was discovered on the Howard Stern Show that during Lange's teenage years he had been arrested for attempted bank robbery. Lange stated he was trying to impress a cute bank teller by passing her a fake hold-up note that said he was armed and wanted $50,000. Unfortunately, the note included his name and the teller took it seriously and triggered the silent alarm. Police officers arrested Lange back at his home later that day. Luckily, Lange did not receive much of a punishment from the courts.

Another example of Lange discussing his private life on the Howard Stern Show was his February 24, 2006 announcement that his relationship with his long-time girlfriend, Dana, was over. However, following Dana's participation on the "Better Half Show" on Sirius Satellite Radio, shortly after Lange's breakup announcement, Lange got back together with Dana and they are attempted to mend their relationship. Lange announced on June 12, 2006 that the relationship had ended.

In January of 2006, it was revealed on Stern's Sirius Radio Show (during a bit where cast members revealed secrets about themselves) that a small amount of another man's ejaculate had once landed on his chest during a cocaine and Ecstasy induced sexual three-way with a pornstar and another man. Lange threatened to shoot the guilty party (even though he did not have a gun) but no charges were ever filed. [1]

On May 8, 2006, Artie revealed on the show that he and Dana have been broken up (again) for a month, which came up when she did not show up at Robin's Cast Party on May 6, 2006. It was due to Artie telling Dana he refused to go to therapy, which she had demanded of him. He said the split might be for good this time, and is now extremely depressed. One of the other issues which came up was that Artie did not want to associate with Dana's dog.

Artie wrote a 5 page letter to Dana (which may have been closer to 3 or 4 pages since he has huge block style handwriting. A relationship therapist told the show that a love letter should not be more than 3 pages, so considering his handwriting, he should be safe). On May 11, 2006, we found out that Dana responded with a 3 page letter (which is just the right size). This information, along with Artie's lack of interest in a 21 year old gravelly voiced stripper and comment earlier in the day that he is "not single"; prompted the cast to probe further. It was discovered that the letter was signed "Love, Dana" and that Dana expressed a desire to get back together with Artie if he is willing to work on "some things". Mainly improving his physical and mental health since she is concerned. Artie mentioned that he is now willing to go to therapy. If nothing else, the breakup has produced some fantastic songs on the show such as "Dana Dumped You" sung to the tune of "Desperado".

On Monday, June 12, 2006, Artie revealed that his relationship with Dana was over and was ended by Artie himself. Although Dana responded with a 3-page letter of her own to Artie's 5-page letter, the relationship could not be repaired and the couple had not spoken in 3 weeks. Artie feels resentment towards authority and felt Dana's insistance on therapy wouldn't work. Artie felt that he would have to enter therapy on his own accord, and being forced into it by Dana would just lead to further problems in their relationship in the future. He also noted that this could lead to him giving 60% of his net worth to Dana, an allusion to the divorce that might result from his resentment. Howard Stern and George Takei, a frequent guest of the show and the show's official announcer on Sirius, both agreed that therapy would probably benefit Artie.

The move to Sirius Satellite Radio

In early June 2005, Lange began missing work at the Howard Stern Show, prompting concerns of a possible relapse into the substance abuse issues that had affected him earlier. Lange confessed he was under considerable stress from shooting a new film and maintaining his daily appearances on the show. At that time, he sought professional help and quit drinking for a few months. In July 2005 Lange revealed he did not plan on signing a longterm contract with The Howard Stern Show and Sirius Satellite Radio because he felt there would be opportunities to star in motion pictures and possibly create a television show. During this on-air "outburst", Lange stated he would only do what he wanted and had stopped seeing a psychiatrist, which he said was a decision he made only to please Howard Stern. By September of 2005, Lange had returned to drinking, especially at comedy gigs. In November 2005 Artie changed his mind and decided to go with Stern and his crew to Sirius Satellite Radio. Lange also revealed that he and Gary Dell'Abate were approached by Infinity Broadcasting about replacing Howard Stern on terrestrial radio with their own show during the Summer of 2005. Lange was supposedly offered an exorbitant sum of money (roughly $5 million) to defect. This has caused speculation that Lange's absences and self-doubt were triggered by the dilemma over whether to leave the Howard Stern Show. On February 24, 2006, Lange described this event as a mental breakdown caused by stress.

Filmography

Year	Title	Role	Other notes
2006	Beer League	Artie DeVanzo	post-production
2006	Supertwink	The Plumber
2005	Waltzing Anna		post-production
2004	Game Over	Turbo
2004	Artie Lange: It's the Whiskey Talkin'	Himself	Stand-up
2004	A Piece of My Heart	Lenny Steinberg
2003	Elf	Fake Santa
2003	Mail Order Bride	Tommy
2003	Old School	Booker
2002	Boat Trip	Brian
2001	Gameday	Artie
2001	Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth	Swim Coach Hasselhoff
1999	Norm	Artie Henderson	aka The Norm Show
1999	The Bachelor	Marco
1999	Mystery Men	Big Red
1999	Lost & Found	Wally
1999	The 4th Floor	Jerry
1999	Puppet	Alexie
1998	Dirty Work	Sam McKenna
1995	Mad TV	various	sketch comedy

Catchphrases

"Fi-yah!" (Imitation of "fire" in AC/DC vocals.)
"Look at you, you Baby Gorilla." (Imitation of insult meted out by Don Rickles on the set of Dirty Work.)
Hey Retard! (his "affectionate" term for many of his friends, particularly Gary the Retard, a recurring show guest)
"WAAAAAAA!! MY father is dead! WAAAAAAAAA!!!" (his outcry when a guest or caller starts in with a long drawn out sob story)
"Ladies and gentlemen..." (In his Rush Limbaugh voice)
"Disgraziato!" (in an Italian accent)
"...moot-SA-relle..." (in virtually any discussion of food or cooking; apparently how Italian-Americans pronounce mozzarella)
"I'd like to do some tasteful shots of you with a [barnyard animal], and a [strange, random device]." (Impersonation of Larry Flynt.)
"Let me jpeg that." (Deliberately misusing internet terminology to show he's not computer savvy. Think: "Let me Google that.")
"Here's the deal..." (Impersonating fellow Sirius DJ Bubba The Love Sponge)
"Hi, Fred." (Impersonating Crazy Alice)
"You can act like a man!" (Impersonating The Godfather patriarch Vito Corleone)
"Day" (Nickname for his on again, off again girlfriend Dana)

Memorable quotes

"Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine."
"If I was armless and legless, I'd just ask someone to drop me in a buffet."
"The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation."
"Whiskey will always be a part of my life."
"Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38..."
"I guess I'll have to drink twice as much." (said after learning that Jack Daniel's will switch from having 86 proof to 80 proof alcohol)
"If you get rid of Artie, Jack Daniels and a few pizza places in town would go out of business!" --Judy Lange, Artie's mom
"When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life."
"I have a drinking problem! I love liquor more than any human being on this earth, okay?!"
"I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust."
"What do you expect me to do, not get loaded?"
"That was the most fun I've ever had!" (said after throwing McGriddle breakfast sandwiches at a naked girl's bottom)
"I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good."
"Who wants to fuck an ugly straight guy?" (after getting loaded during a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy makeover)
"I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking."

Trivia

Was arrested for attempted robbery. Handed a bank teller a note demanding cash as a goof and walked out. He said that he did it because he thought the teller was really cute.
Was arrested for assaulting a police officer.
Was addicted to cocaine.
Once dated a prostitute for several weeks.
Stated on February 16, 2006, on air, that he has been with "about fifty" prostitutes. He then said "It's cheaper than a real date".
Once snorted heroin up his nose, mistaking it for cocaine.
Once snorted cocaine off of a key while driving around Los Angeles in a pig costume.
Has stated on air that his "lowest point" of drug use was defecating in his own bed while high.
In May of 2004, KLAS TV reported him dead, and everyone believed the story.
One time, was high on angel dust and booze while at a McDonalds, and hassled the manager about how Mayor McCheese was actually a woman. Artie claimed that that was a good thing, because then he could eat her and have sex with her at the same time.
Once while driving, ate so many Philly cheesesteak sandwiches that he had to pull over and vomit. That night, he tried to have sex with his girlfriend Dana.
One night, was out on the balcony with his girlfriend, and said "You know what would make this even better? A sausage and peppers sandwich."
Is extremely good at quoting the movie The Godfather, and does it regularly on The Howard Stern Show.
Has indicated his favorite band is The Who
Is a fan of Bruce Springsteen
Has described a comically high number of women as "The hottest chick ever", often describing either a current or recent female guest as such, as well as a number of famous women who just happen to come up as topics of conversation. Some of Artie's favorites include playboy playmate Jennifer Walcott and actress Jessica Alba, whose movie Honey Artie claims to have purchased despite his implied opinion of said movie's cinematic shortcomings. On a May 2006 show, he said that his #1 hottest chick pick is Carmen Electra.
Fan of the New York Yankees and Giants
Won $8,200.00 on the '06 NCAA Basketball tourney
Was born exactly 3 days before frequent Stern show guest and pornstar Savanna Samson
Admitted to crying at a Michael Jackson concert during the song "Man in the Mirror". He played it off as being "really high" to his friends.
Believes that his father may have committed suicide to escape from his life as a quadriplegic
His mother was a big fan of The Four Seasons. Artie's father let Artie crawl into Frankie Valli's hotel room in order to allow Artie's mother a chance to meet Valli. Howard Stern posted a photo of Artie, Valli, and his father on howardstern.com.

External links

Preceded by Jackie Martling 1986-2001	The Howard Stern Show the Jackie chair 2001-present	Succeeded by incumbent