User:Wotlight

Welcome to the page of Brendon Croft the greatest storyteller that has ever lived. This is a compilation of all of his great stories that he has told us about himself and his life and therefore we must assume they are all completely true, but we leave it up to you to decide for yourself.

Hieroglyphics

This is a rather fun story that came about from a teacher asking him questions in class. At the time we were learning about ancient cultures and had been given an image with some hieroglyphic symbols on it. They seemed pretty random to the "uneducated" but to the master of it all this was only a basic translation. We were then treated to a rather enlightening translation of all the great symbols and their meanings and somehow the teacher didn't call shenanigans, she must have been "enlightened" as well or just really nice.

Michelle Branch sometimes confused with Vanessa Carlton

This is probably one of the best and even funnier by the fact that we are unable to distinguish the two people and constantly sing the Thousands of Miles song in class, which is believed to be about him. During his earlier days in the great state of California he ran into her, some call it fate others ridiculous, but either way it is just plain funny. But no matter how it all started he ended up refusing to date her for unknown reasons but it is believed to be so he wouldn't jeopardize her career. This is why she allegedly honored him with the song to forever thank him.

Freezing Vodka Death

This is a brand new one from just now, but so unbelievably great on so many levels that it was irresistible to add. The story begins with his uncle and a friend up in Alaska. Now its quite cold there as everyone knows but this time it was -80 degrees out!!! So they had left the vodka out overnight for some unknown reason but apparently it was frozen in the morning. Now this is absolutely remarkable as alcohol doesn't freeze very easily, between -16 and -40 degrees. But here comes the death!! So his uncle's friend is really cold, obviously, and decides to take a swig of the vodka, that's still frozen, and somehow this kills him instantly. AMAZING! But really it's an important lesson not to drink something that's completely frozen.

Struck by lightning

This is a pretty small one but still quite funny. He just happened to mention that over the weekend he had been struck by lightning, just plain and simple. It just happened to be a side note to a completely unrelated story.

Kung Fu Master - Mountain hiking

Quite a good story here. It starts so simple and believable but grows to be so much better. So he's out in the wilderness and decides to go on hike up a mountain. Everything is going fine and he's hiking and exploring nature and having a grand old time. Then he stumbles across a hidden kung fu dojo with a powerful master. He is allowed to watch some incredible demonstrations of power. The first is not overly impressive but he watches as the master defeats several of his students. But the next demonstration is so great and wonderful that it justifies this entire story, he then proceeds to observe the master go from being in front of him and then blinking and having him warp behind him. Amazing!

NORAD

This one doesn't directly apply to him but was still told by him and therefore I feel it belongs on the list. It starts with a "friend" of his telling him that he is able to hack credit card numbers and can get him free stuff, someone must have forgot to tell them that the address of delivery will be very traceable but that's besides the point. So he agrees and the friend gets him some free computer stuff. But the hacking fun doesn't stop there. His "friend" then proceeds to complete the really story and hacks into NORAD!! For those of you that don't know NORAD is Americas missile defense system and is responsible for launching the majority of our stockpile and also for watching for incoming missiles as well, very serious stuff. Anyway NORAD finds out the treachery and then proceeds to tell his friend he's going to jail or coming to work for them. To this day his "friend" still works at NORAD.

Park Ranger

This ones not completely magical but in context with the rest everything's questionable. The story is simply that he was a park ranger in California and learned all sorts of great ways in which to cut down trees and keep our parks safe.

IBM guy

This one is the real reason the Park Ranger story was even told though. You see during the time he "served" as a Park Ranger he knew a former IBM executive. Apparently this guy had been one the founders of the company but had since gone insane. This guy then began to live in the park and didn’t cause anyone any problems so was allowed to stay. But the real story is that early one morning after just going on "patrol" he happened across this man dead. It seemed he had frozen to death overnight. But here’s the kicker after going through his wallet for some completely unknown reason he is quick to tell you that he left the money alone. That’s classy for you.

Study ALL Languages

Well at some point in life we all must choose what kind of career we want and the special ones get to mix quite a few. Of course studying all languages and knowing all the comparisons but not being able to speak a word of any them is quite "special"

Degree in public speaking

A really small story at this point but somehow still found the time somewhere along the way to get a degree in public speaking. He's not very good at it but must understand some elusive subtleties that escape the rest of us.